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I often lurk on forums because I couldn't bear to raise the effort to make a comment that won't add to the discussion and likely be ignored. Most people on the other hand enjoy this type of thing on a daily basis and despite everyone else on the thread having posted the same unimaginative drivel, they repeat it as though they were the first with an unmistakable air of it being extremely amusing and/or original. It is often not...


Forum topic title: Are you male or female?

#1 *checks pants* Yeah, still male!
#2 -looks inside knickers- Female alright!
#3 *pulls out pants* Nope nothings changed, female.
#4 (runs to bathroom to check) yep female
#5 Checked under shirt... definitely female

This one is the one that makes the hairs on my back stand up each time I see it. I have included five examples. All of them could be either gender, it doesn't really matter. Number #5 is interesting as it implies that the presence or lack of breasts implies a specific gender. It is often the case with most humans but in reality it's a bit more complicated than that. At least, in my own experience.

I've even noticed one or two posters claiming the idea as their own shamelessly, akin to proclaiming to be the only artist to have ever sandwiched a shit between two panes of glass and calling it art. It's just a piece of shit. Don't do it.

Breakthrough in Lucid Dreaming

I apologise for the roughness of this writing. I may or may not go back to it. I like to be spontaneous.


I usually wake at a reasonable hour between 9.00 and 10.00. Today I woke around this time but only because I was feeling rather aroused. Eventually the fact I needed to piss sent me grudgingly downstairs to the bog. It's not unusual that I would be groggy at the normal waking up time but it's quite rare these days unless I've had a late night, which I hadn't.

I got back into my warm bed pretty much dropping right back to sleep, I'm guessing it was around 10.00. I'd planned to get up and walk straight to the village (new plan**) which was not going to happen. I managed to sleep for two hours straight in in that time all dreams were lucid or at least to a point.

My first waves were simple; my landlord driving a white bus around my house (unusual but understandable since he was probably outside under my window with the cows forcing my mind to make up a scenario), me and my brother running down a road in my home-town, a shop I regularly visit in my home-town being refurbished...

That was the moment I remember definitely knowing 100% I was in a dream. For most of my dreams the fear of waking up stops me from thinking about whether or not it's a dream too much. The one with my brother was clearly a dream but we were having so much fun I simply didn't care. The freedom of inhibition causes general larking about to become something else. I was wearing bin bags on my feet and running so fast I couldn't stop (something I can't do at the moment until my asthma is controlled and my fitness is in better shape).

Back to the shop. I was walking onto what we call 'the parade' a line of shops at the end of the road I lived on until I was 23 years old. I still go back regularly and a lot of the same people still live there. On the corner is a chippy (chip shop) my family often visit for lunch or for a little treat (they do excellent meat pies and their chip barms are to die for!) I saw that the inside of this humble shop had changed, it looked posh. I could see the two women who usually serve me from the window (one of them reminds me of someone who used to be in Coronation Street, who also worked in a chippy). I said to myself that it was definitely a dream, then I thought, 'but it is them two, why not go in and see what they say?' I went in and rather than the usual lovely chip, vinegar and meat pie smell I was greeted with the smell of enamel paint and timber. The woman (Corrie lookalike) inside said "hiya" as if she knew me which in the real world of course does. I asked her in my Mancunian way about the refurbishment and she told me about how they wanted eat in tables, the kitchen outside, a proper paying area... Totally posh, never going to happen in the actual shop, not unless someone turned it into a bistro which in my old town just wouldn't fit.

I can't remember how I left this scene but I'm quite sure I walked out of the shop. Possibly waking up as I often do when I know I'm in a lucid dream. It's a pain in the arse I'm hoping will cease as it's too often ruined my lucid dreams and the exploration of them.

The Breakthrough:

After a few bits and bobs like this one I found myself riding down a familiar yet unknown road on some sort of vehicle. JCBs and various agricultural vehicles spring to memory when I think about it. Soon I was at a house with some other people going inside for a party wearing this 'dress' I'd made from ripped pants in an earlier dream where I acquired a porpoise tail... Not sure how it got there or how I made it but I knew it was skimpy as I felt a breeze in between my legs.

When in the house it was the usual party type atmosphere, some folk knew each other, some didn't. I didn't know any of them. I carried on partying knowing it wasn't real but hoping I'd stay as opposed to being sucked out as soon as I acknowledged too much that it was a dream. I've a feeling the excitement wakes me up.

Later on after a few near concious experiences I was sat on a couch talking to a typical student type with mop like dirty blond hair and glasses. I asked him "I need to know the time but could you do me a favour and let me look at your watch?" He obliged and the numbers on it were normal and I exclaimed "They're normal, oh, but then they change sometimes". It said 10.30pm (22.00) on the analogue watch. I then said to the boy, "Can I look at your phone (mobile). I could explain but you probably wouldn't understand me. I need to see some text or something." The boy showed me some photos exclaiming that these would be 'cool' and most of them were distorted as though in a club. Nothing overly weird about them since I look at weird pictures all the time. I suspected he thought I was on a hallucinogen, which come to think of it, in his world I probably was and still am. I tried to get him to show me text but he insisted on his 'cool' and 'freaky' photos which were generic at best, maybe a little purple and blurred but none the less generic to an artist with an interest in the 'strange'. I managed to sneak a look at the time on the phone which was in the top right corner. It said "10.30" or something like that. Unfortunately he didn't show me anything else so I fear I may have been distracted and not really took in any other symbols on the phone. But the watch got me. For the first time the numbers made sense.

I will write later about some previous dreams in which the numbers didn't. After talking to my partner about lucid dreams they told me about looking at watches, clocks and other text or numerical data whilst dreaming. I have yet to try and read a book.


I intend to write an article about steampunk. This is just a place I'm going to abuse for a couple of thoughts... Then I'll write my article?

A lot of steampunk is wishy washy.
I hope I can change this... Why?


Writer's Block: Doctor Who?

26-year-old actor Matt Smith was anointed as the eleventh Doctor Who this week. If you were in charge of casting, who would you cast as your ideal Doctor and why?

I'd cast Danny John-Jules as "Dr. Who" because he's smooth, handsome and sophisticated. Best of all, the man can dance!

He's the dude who's singing Tongue Tied. ;-)

Seriously, actions speak louder than words. Danny FTW!


SamBakZa cartoons for RageRiot

From SamBakZa

I thought I'd make it easier since the website can be hard to navigate

Not sure why they're so spaced out but I can't be bothered trying to figure it out now. Click on one and it should open in a new window. The two last ones are the latest to the story for the two I sent a good while back. Enjoy!

07.01.09 - UPDATE: Final part added, enjoy!

Question time!

What are humans anyway?

A: Hairless neotenic apes with advanced tool wielding skill.

Humans are not divine